I've been feeling kind of weird these past few days. Sad really, and I can't pin it down to one thing.

I don't know if it was my grandma's death that triggered it, but I can just see all these areas in my life where I'm just not good enough. For her, as of late, I was nowhere near the granddaughter I should have been.

I worry constantly...about the future. What I'm going to do after I graduate this spring. If I will even get into grad school. I should have been studying this entire summer for my two GRE tests..instead, my study guide is still in the back of Mike's car, untouched.

I do not feel as if I am being a good girlfriend as of late either. I get mad over stupid things...I don't mean to, but I do nonetheless. And I care so much...but I tend to mask that with my own insecurities.

And for some reason, these past few days I've been overcome with this crappy lack of self-esteem. Why would anyone want me? From the way I look to how I act on a daily basis. I am not very happy about it.

I don't spend as much time with people as I should. Hailey, my parents, my neglected friends. I don't know where any of my time goes...but not where it should, I suppose.

Fuck. I guess we all need these moments. It gives us a chance to reevaluate everything.

I can keep trying...harder. That's all I can do.

--Shaena